The Scary Case of Mom Traveling Overseas

So right now the units are out of the country. The idea of not being able to contact my mom via phone scares both me and my sisters. Strangely this did not seem too bad until we all admitted to each other that mom being so far away was something we were not looking forward to. This apparently also worried my mother, as she asked her sister to play the role of surrogate mother for the week, and to call my one sister who has mental problems worse than me on a daily basis. My aunt also called my other sister to make sure she got home ok the other day. My aunt has not called me, but I am the one person who is actually able to contact my units via phone (if they are ever actually there when I call, which I'm beginning to think is unlikely).

I guess extended family and even friends take on roles as "family members" at times. I know that while living with a past roommate for several years, we often played the role of "sister" to each other, especially when things were not going well for one or both of us. This was a big help, as each of us was not always able to contact our biological sister or sisters who were many states away.

Sleep

How I long to forever escape the world through sleep! Wouldn't it be nice to stop time and take a few days to snooze? I know I'm supposed to live in the present, but if time could be stopped, then I still would be in the present, right?

Attitude

Why are there so many people who have such a negative attitude? Your attitude is contagious, and I personally want to be around positive people, or at least people who can occassionally laugh or see at least a few good things in their life that they are thankful for. Talking to a negative person (I won't mention any names but this person is close to my age and very closely related to me) is just mentally draining, and you can only try to help a person like this for so long. If that person is unwilling to be helped, it seems like there is nothing you can do except keep trying and risk bringing yourself further and further down by association. If you have never have a problem being positive yourself then by all means, help that other person. However, if you think it could have a drastic effect on your own self, confidence, attitude, life, then is it really worth trying to help such a negative person for years on end?

My Mind

I control my mind. My mind does not control me.

Now

I have changed my view, and do not agree with my last entry. There is no time, there is only now.

Time

It seems like tasks take me longer than I want them to, and usually longer than I estimate that they will take. This can get frustrating for anyone in this situation, especially if you are very much a "to-do-list" type person, as I am.

When I think of time I sometimes get sad. If I really wanted something (of reasonable price), I could save money and buy the item. Even if it was something I may never be able to afford, there would always be a chance that I could have that much money some day. But with time, we only have so much. With time, we don't know how much we have, but there is a pretty clear upper limit which we know we will not survive beyond. So although it's nice to have money, we can always have more money, but we will at some point arrive at the day in which we will no longer have time. And speaking of money and time, we can always earn more money after we have spent money, but once we've used up time, we can never get that time back. OK, this is getting too depressing, so I'm going to end this here. I'm sure I'll post again in no time at all (meaning soon).

Motivation

I wish I had a motivation pill. Maybe I should take a walk so that I can see the sky and get some coffee. Not having a window can be depressing...

St. Jude

If you know me fairly well, then you probably know that my favorite Saint is St. Jude. As usual, I would like to give a shout out to the intervening power of St. Jude Thaddeus. Severe depression and anxiety can be almost unbearable to live with at times, and I believe that St. Jude has helped me to get through the last few weeks.