January 14th

I do feel a little better today than yesterday. I ended up running last night for a few miles with a couple of other people. In all honesty, I really didn't want to go, but I kinda forced myself. These days I feel like I have to force myself to do a lot of things. I am telling myself in my head, "Come on, get up" or "Come on, brush your teeth", or "Come on, put the dish away". You get the idea... This is not usually like me, as most times I am quite obsessive compulsive. I am also normally a neat freak. That's one reason that I know I'm really being affected by my mind. If the clothes aren't put away, the dishes are dirty, and I haven't cleaned the kitchen in a while, and I don't actually care about any of this, then I know that my depression and anxiety is getting really bad. I remember in graduate school I would take an exam that I had been dreading, then just feel so releived that I would clean the apartment top to bottom.

As I did yesterday, I want to try to mention some good things in my life that I am thankful for. Of course I want to mention my husband and also my family. I'm also grateful that I have a job that for the most part I enjoy. Some new news is that my husband was offered a job yesterday. I don't want to get my hopes up too high, because this has happened once before, and things didn't work out. However, it looks like the contract was approved, so he should be starting next week.

It seems like the worst part of my day is in the morning, right before I get out of bed. I also don't do well in the parts of the day where I'm cold. Therefore, yesterday I decided to try sleeping on the floor of the den, where the fire was going. I think this helps my posture too. My husband did turn off the fire once I was asleep, but it still seemed to help sleeping there. I will probably try this again tonight. I just have to convince my husband to stay there the whole night too. Ok, well it's been a while since I've done any work for my job, so I'm going to try to get busy on that now.